How Curiosity & Humility Transformed a Frustrating Mini‑Golf Moment
I love fixing things.
Give me a screwdriver, a broken toy, or even a busted minivan brake system—and I’m in my happy place. There’s something satisfying about solving a problem, getting 80% there in my head, and then figuring out the rest on the fly.
But I’ve learned (the hard way) that this “Johnny Fix-It” mindset doesn’t work in relationships. People—especially those we love—aren’t broken problems to solve.
The Mini-Golf Meltdown
A few weeks ago, we took a little babymoon as a family. My kids had never played mini golf before, and two of them said they didn’t want to play. So, I grabbed clubs and balls for just three of us. (#dadfail). You can guess what happened next.
My oldest daughter ended up loving the game—but didn't want to share her club and ball. The fun quickly turned into a frustrating standoff. She felt misunderstood. We pushed for compliance. She pushed back harder.
My Wife’s Response Changed Everything
Instead of escalating, my wife slowed down.
She sat beside our daughter and gently said, “I think I’ve done more talking than listening. Do you feel like Mommy hasn’t really understood you?”
Tears came. Nods followed. Then: “Tell me what happened from your perspective.”
Humility + Curiosity = Connection.
That moment really hit me.
Everyone Wants to Feel Understood
Here’s the insight:
Frustration, anger, and disconnection often come from feeling misunderstood.
Whether it's a 9-year-old with a mini golf club or a spouse in a money conversation, we all want the same thing: to be heard.
When we approach with “let me fix this”, it ramps up the tension. But when we say, “Help me understand”, things soften. Walls come down. Trust builds.
How This Applies to Money Conversations
Money brings emotion.
We’ve hit many moments where talking about finances starts to feel like we’re in a courtroom—debating, defending, trying to “win.”
But when I replace my instinct to fix with a posture of listening, the whole dynamic shifts.
Slow down. Ask questions. Be curious—not corrective.
James said it well:
“Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” (James 1:19)
A Simple Filter for Relational Friction
Ask yourself:
Where do I feel relational tension right now?
Could that tension be rooted in a lack of mutual understanding?
What would it look like to listen before I speak?
I’m learning this too—daily.
And when I invite Jesus into that space, He gently reminds me: Humility makes room for healing.
Thanks for listening. And may the rest of your day be straight-up delightful.
—Nick